Going Forward Anyway, or: thoughts during and after a migraine

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It’s the 22nd of March as I write this. The brand new (to me) festival of Matsya Jayanti falls on the 30th this year. Due to work schedule changing suddenly last week, I’m not going to have the day off, and it’s too late to request the time off. Not a huge deal for me; it’s just going to be me (and maybe Beth) so, whatever. Birthday celebrations are frequently moved to accomodate schedules, right? April 5th is the day.

Except, I’m getting cold feet, which in me winds up looking like dejection. I haven’t played around with making a temporary fish figurine to bathe, and I’m likely not going to. (The idea of sculpting one, either from polymer clay or salted dough is a great idea, but I detest wet-and-messy crafts, so it’s time to admit, only for real, that this is something I’m never going to want to do.) The purchasing of a new cloth (yellow, because I keep promising a yellow cloth) isn’t going to happen, thanks to being Responsible Adults with Bills and An Expensive To Maintain Dog, and even the compromise of a fat quarter of yellow as a seat for the figurine I’m not going to make isn’t a possibility.

Neither is the cake I planned on making, nor is my back up “I’ll buy some pretty cupcakes instead” plan feasible. Incense burning isn’t a possibility (the smoke bothers both myself and, more importantly, Corbie), which leaves me with what sort of offering?

I started writing this, and it’s now three hours later. I’ve been battling a headache (one part migraine, one part tension headache) and it’s my second one of the week. I’ve spent a decent amount of time emptying my stomach (so, the aspirin and carefully ingested water helped, but not in the intended way) and applying cold compresses to my neck and head. The worst of the pain is easing, and the rapid switching between being freezing and roasting has tapered off. What do I do as I become more able to be more than just miserable? I look for things to color as marigold stand-ins, in case I don’t manage to finish the ‘marigold’ pom pom garland I started making. (wherein ‘manage to finish’ = ‘become too dejected to approach the project while there’s still time remaining).

I’d wanted to have the shrine redressed with the cloth I dug out, washed, and dried for the express purpose by now. I’d wanted to have the images I’d colored (am I five? YES. Who cares? It’s FUN.) up upon the shrine, too. New frames for them are not happening; I’ll have to see what I can reuse temporarily. I wanted it to be set up a week out from the celebration, minus the offerings, to keep its approach in my mind. I’m deciding now that’s not going to work, but I’m deciding that based on the original date I’d planned, and not the new one, so maybe that’ll be a project for the morning.

Cutting myself some slack. It’s been a migraine intense week. (I even missed a day of work. Bah.) But it’s hard.

I feel less dejected than I did going into this post. I may still give the figurine a go, because having one to ritually bathe was a huge part of the “offerings I have to give” and I wanted that tangible interaction happening, to feed that part of the experience. Either I’ll fail miserably, or I won’t, and even still, there are other things to give and do and such.

Do migraines make me feel awful? Yes, apparently, they do.

That one was only five hours between the start of pain and the postdrome. So cold now. Must go  wrap up in blankets and critters.

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