My big goal for 2017: or: I’m retiring Strip Me Back to the Bone

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I’ve known, for months now, that I’d be treating 2017 like a ‘retreat’ year. Not in the running away sense so much as in the distilling/simplifying/slowing down sense. I’ve also known, for months now, that I’m growing tired of writing for my blog. I’ve sat with this, because in historically, being tired of writing has been a huge red flag for me, in dealing with my depression and anxiety. Writing publicly about my spiritual and religious practices have been an unfailingly helpful tool in countering that depression and anxiety for ages. I’ve sat with this, because maybe a lot of this feeling on the edge of burnout is a result of this year’s election — not so much the results (which are bad enough) but just . . . the whole thing. And no, I can’t articulate that any better.  I’ve sat with this, to see if the feeling would pass, and to see if this had any of the hallmarks of incoming apathy, and to see if it was reactionary and impulsive.
My plan with the ‘go on retreat without leaving your home’ was to curtail social media (I’m not leaving FaceBook, but I’m restricting how much time I spend there and I have heavily filtered my feed, and I’m not sure how much I’ll be posting there in the months to come) but to keep blogging. Part of the reason for this ‘go on retreat without leaving home’ plan is because I want to spend more time experiencing where He’s leading me, without forcing any sort of structure upon it. Part of the reason is because I want to explore what it’s like to have the depression — which I never knew was as bad as it was until I was medicated. I thought anxiety was my big problem, with a side of depression. Instead, the anxiety seems to have been my SOS call, my warning system. ‘Something is really wrong omg plz halp!’ that never turned off because, you know: depression. But I digress — that’s being treated. I want to explore who I am with that under control. I’ve said, repeatedly, throughout the course of the year, that I don’t recognize myself. And that keeps happening. So, maybe I need to actually take some time to meet myself.

I explored, when the medication began to help, whether or not I might be as introverted as I thought I was, all this time. I opted for being a bit more socially active, and I started doing a lot of projects, because suddenly I could. Eventually this overwhelmed me, but it took some time to see that as being overwhelmed, because it’s such a different feeling that the overwhelmed feeling of free rein depression days. In the end, I think I’m actually more introverted than I thought I was.

I’ve been writing, more or less publicly, about my spiritual life for over a decade at this point. And I don’t regret doing so. And I’m not saying I’m never going to blog again. But this blog in particular was created as a showcase of what a devotional life lived devoted to Poseidon might look like. My spiritual landscape is going through changes, and my relationship with Him isn’t changing, except, also, it is. Names are beginning to matter less. Which doesn’t mean who He is is changing, and it doesn’t mean that I love that He introduced Himself as Poseidon and is now all, “why are you so concerned with names??” and everything. When I first met Him, the internet was not the thing it’s become, and social media was years and years away. I explored o/Our relationship with Him, and w/We defined it. And as things shift, as He brings me deeper into His mysteries, I want that again. I want that privacy. So, I’m taking it.

I wasn’t going to announce this; I was just going to taper off with the blogging. I hate how attention-y this whole thing sounds, but there’s a number of you who have been reading my writing here for years, and I just don’t feel write not being upfront about this. Keep it real, you know?

Again: I’m not swearing off blogging for life, and I’m not saying I’ll never write about my spiritual practices again. But, here, at least, and for now, at least, this part of the journey is over.

I’ll be keeping the blog up for a week, and then setting it to private. If there’s any bit you’d especially like to keep, now’s the time to grab it. Thank you for your support and your understanding.

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. Lucy says:

    You’re an awesome lady & I hope you will keep in touch, you know where to find me! Thank you for all your work on this blog. You were one of the first voices I stumbled across on my path in devotional polytheism, and I will always be grateful. Wishing you all the good, wherever the current takes you next ❤

  2. celestinenox says:

    Do what you gotta do for yourself, your practice, and your relationship. 🙂

  3. Mia says:

    So much love, Jo! Thank you for writing about your path in the fantastically honest way that you do! It has been immensely helpful in innumerable ways, and I will always be grateful! We’ll keep in touch on the book of faces, and elsewheres 😉 ❤ ❤ ❤

  4. Boneweaver (aka pjvj) says:

    You do what you need, but I’ll miss being able to go back and read things here. But that’s my selfishness, not your concern. Know that this blog has made a difference to me. 💜

  5. Nerthuschild says:

    I surely will miss your voice, but I absolutely support you doing what is best for you and finding that out is a big deal.
    It has been five years since I was thrown into the experience of being a polytheist and needing good healthy examples in the community of how that would work and look. you and Beth were the first two people that presented that in an open way without judgement of it should look exactly like this. you will never know how much help you gave me over the years. I am grateful and may only good things come your way in 2017.

    Christine

  6. Holunder says:

    Thank you for your blog, which I found very inspiring! I will certainly miss you! Sorry for coming out of the closet so late, but better late then never to let you know how much I appreciated what you shared with us so generously.

    Best wishes from Germany
    Holunder

    1. Jolene Poseidonae says:

      Thank you for your kind words! It’s never too late for that!

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