I’ve talked about this briefly on FB, and Beth’s written her own post about this here, and that was going to be that, but now that it’s the wee hours of the morning, and my week of being mostly offline is starting to chafe at me (gonna have to rethink this whole social media sabbatical, Jo) and I’m full of thinky-thoughts, I guess I’m going to write a blog post about this, too.
We’ve been talking about this since I started my new job. The AFA really isn’t all that affordable if you’re not in a traditional job. OHP is an option, but the coverage is not the best. My new employers have a pretty awesome insurance plan, that’s affordable, but unlike my former employer, one has to be married in order to get added to the plan. So I came home from my orientation and said, “So, wanna get married?”*
So, we are.
But wait! What about your marriage vows to Poseidon? Well, what about them? Does this make my devotion to Him less real? Beth and I have been partners in all things for ages now; adding legal protection and rights to that is a logical thing to do. We have our semi-secluded lifestyle, and we are one another’s support in all things. Never mind that, in our heads, and in our day to day family life, we have long since felt like a poly group marriage rather than not.
But, I thought you were celibate? Yup! Still am! And while I may feel, in my silly brain, that this means I’m “pulling one over” on people, the fact of the matter is, one’s sexual life is really only the business of one’s self, and those involved, as applicable. We have a very rigid idea of what ‘marriage’ means in our society, and I despise how ingrained that is on me. I mean, if a married couple is sexually involved or not is none of my business, and I’m sure in ranges throughout the life of a marriage. Do I wish there were bigger, wider, more applicable/appropriate/varied ways of understanding and legally acknowledging different ways of being family, of becoming immediate family? YES. But there’s not, so we’ll work with what we’ve got.
As she mentioned in her post, we’re not having a big to-do. We’d planned on having a friend of mine officiate, and roping in two witnesses, but that was before we saw how quick the quick ceremony could be, and also before we learned there was more paper work for the officiant to do than expected. So, minor tweaking. By this time next month we’ll be married. Hee!
I’m surprised at how much I’m looking forward to this. In my head, that our relationship isn’t normal, even for two women who are partners, stands out and catches me up. Like, until we talked about it, it wasn’t something I missed not having done? But, she is my immediate family, she is my best best friend, she’s seen me through my worst, and she makes me a better person. We are well met, she and I, and so if society says that the word for that is ‘wife’, well then, okay! I’m gonna get me a wife!
So. There’s that.
*To be clear: this is something we’ve talked about on and off for years at this point, especially since same-sex marriages became legal on a federal level. We’ve been together for over a decade, make up a household together, are, have been, and will continue to be committed partners in all things. There are too many horror stories about same sex couples being treated horribly in medical crises, especially one is extremely sick or at end of life, and, well, we both have health issues that keeps that fear in the forefront of my mind. So, do we want to get this legally wrapped up to forestall that crap, if possible? Yup! That it would make more financial sense re: health insurance was just the last reason on a long lists of reasons why this makes sense as a next step.