Depression, new job, bullet points!

  • Got a new job! I started on the 9th (what a surreal thing that was, sitting through orientation on the day after the election. “What are we doing, how are we not all running around screaming like the sky is on fire??”) I’m three weeks in, and so far loving it. My immediate team is filled with seemingly introverted people, but then it takes a certain sort of person to willingly do night shift, yeah? I’m not used to that amount of quiet, and I’m sort of loving it. I’ve gone from talking with hundreds of people in one day to talking to maybe twenty, often less. I get to do my job, listen to music while I’m doing it (and ebooks/podcasts if I ever get around to getting them onto my phone) and the job consists of two, maybe three tasks. It’s monotonous, sure — but I’m sort of digging that right now.
  • Depression! Some is situational — not paying attention to being sure I’m not over-extending/overwhelming myself with the trainwreck that is our country at the moment — but some is also just not situational.  I’ll be without health insurance for a few months, and so I began half-dosing myself, in an attempt to have the anti-depressant carry me through. This isn’t ideal, but I thought, if the momentum of the various projects could carry me through, it wouldn’t suck.  But then, because I was changing my schedule, I missed a day. And then a second. I’d remember, and then miss two more. The result? Lethargy.

    I cut myself some slack for this lethargy becaues 1) new job/new schedule, 2) menstruation. I realize that being aware of the lethargy and worrying about that being a sign that the depression is worse is itself a sign that maybe it’s not as bad as I think. I’ve been letting myself sleep when I want to sleep (read: most of my days off) and just scaling back on everything else.

    What I’ve learned, though, is: I need to be on this medication, and I really only flourish on the higher dose. My doctor has made noise about trying to taper me off, come March, and I’m thinking I’m going to fight her on this. I was hoping, seekritly, that the depression was situational — a few people have suggested that it might have been, job related, and I had that job for a long time, so how would one really know? — but in the end, I don’t think so.

  • Depression, btw, is an asshole.
  • NaNoWriMo! No, I didn’t ‘finish’, but I did hit my 30k goal for WWC3 rough draft. I’ll be getting the 1st installment ready to go in a few weeks, and then taking December to edit the rest.
  • Corbie! Corbie had a vet visit in November, and we upped his medication on the Lasix front.There is slight increase in his murmur, though still negligible fluid build up in lungs. He’s having more coughing days (possibly due to being dried out on the lasix) but he’s back to having no idea he’s sick, and so this is good.

There’s more, but that’s it for now. I have things I want to talk about on the spiritual front, but they’re not quite there yet.

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