Never say never.

Every time the Vigil comes around, and I change my diet/become conscious of choices, the v word always comes up.

Once upon a time, I was a member of the Food Police. You know the sort. “A REAL pagan wouldn’t eat _______.” It was usually aimed inward, mind you, but it was still a judgment that I passed. Wouldn’t eat mass produced crap food. Wouldn’t eat fast food. Wouldn’t eat anything other than organic. Would only eat locally sourced meats, humanely slaughtered, etc.

What a fucking oxymoron that last one in. Humanely slaughtered? Humanely slaughtered?

Cognitive dissonance, let me show you mine.

I understand the sentiment. Animals slaughtered for the meat market in as quick, painless, and terror-free environment as possible. But, maybe there are different words we can use for that.

Humanely slaughtered.

Anyway. Anyway. We struggled for a number of years to grocery shop with our ideals in mind. And then? Then, we were fucking broke, and we had to get real. Organic became a sometimes luxury. We always opted for the less treated meats, because Beth’s digestive system is a princess, but they haven’t always been the best, just the best that we could afford. Because we had to, we let go of the guilt eating that way created, and really, it was a humble and needed lesson for me. Don’t be an asshole, Jo. Just don’t.

The only person whose diet I get to judge, is my own, and I am demanded to do so with compassion, at all times. Damn it. Fucking compassion. And so.

Holding Bull, on the first night of the Vigil, and feeling Him also holding me,  I think things shifted. I’ve toyed with vegetarianism off and on for most of my life, and it always come back to being too much work.

Which is a bullshit excuse. I live in a vegetarian and vegan mecca, for fuck’s sake. I pretty much have ALL the options. Can I afford them all? Nope. But maybe this means I need to be thinking about my food more than I do, and maybe this means I need to make better choices, when I can.

I used to say, I’d never be able to give up cheese. And now, eating dairy is causing Beth bodily distress, and we’re trying out nut cheeses, instead. Because, above all, I want things to be simple, and having two different menus to shop for is just not simple.

Will this take, this time? I dunno. But it feels like it might.  And I have to wonder, is prozac the reason why? Fucking anxiety. Fucking depression. Fuck them both, so much.

He pushes. He’s pushed, all this time. Gently. Water erroding rock. “Maybe try again.” No judgement, but maybe you don’t need this thing. Maybe one more try? Maybe keep trying.

Always, with keep trying. Poseidon, He is constant. He is steadfast. Moody? Unpredictable? Those stories are so out of date.

4 thoughts on “Never say never.

  1. Some questions from the farm kid that you can mull over or delete as it pleases you:

    How well does your body react to being deprived of animal protein? Some people handle it just fine. Others- like myself- become very ill very quickly.

    Heavily processed and artificially preserved things aren’t good for any of us. Would you feel better if you cut your meat intake waaay back to only the local, organic amount that was within your budget? For many people this is a reasonable and healthy compromise and it may be worth considering.

    Has Beth tried dairy products from animals other than cows? For example, goat milk has a different protein and many people who can’t tolerate cow’s milk can tolerate goats’ milk.

    For what it may be worth to you, I don’t like killing my goats either. I’ve held them, fed them, raised them, taught them, and made them my friends. I’ve scratched their itches and worried when they were sick. I love raising them. I also really like eating them. I will probably never ‘like’ that part in between, and that’s probably just as well. It forces me to be aware and responsible for every death and to accept the reasons why. Personally I feel that this is healthy, but I also understand that for other people it may not be. And that’s ok. Our kindred has a vegetarian member and one lactose intolerant member and we as a group manage just fine to find places and options that keep everyone satisfied and fed.In addition to a lot of fresh vegetables, I raise a large portion of our collective animal protein at the farm, so we know that it was raised healthfully and, when applicable, slaughtered respectfully. My laying hens have been a real boon to our members who don’t eat red meat or dairy but still need protein. (Serious advice though, if you’re thinking of eggs for your main protein source, spend the money on the real free range eggs. Chickens eating bugs as well as grain lay eggs that are much higher in protein and much lower in bad fats and cholesterol.) Meatless can definitely be done, and done well.

    I’ve been reading your blog long enough to know that whatever you decide, you’ll do it because you feel it’s right and with one eye on your health and well being. Therefor, whatever you decide is awesome by definition and deserves respect.

    • >>How well does your body react to being deprived of animal protein? Some people handle it just fine. Others- like myself- become very ill very quickly.<>Heavily processed and artificially preserved things aren’t good for any of us. Would you feel better if you cut your meat intake waaay back to only the local, organic amount that was within your budget? <>For many people this is a reasonable and healthy compromise and it may be worth considering.<>Has Beth tried dairy products from animals other than cows? For example, goat milk has a different protein and many people who can’t tolerate cow’s milk can tolerate goats’ milk.<>For what it may be worth to you, I don’t like killing my goats either. I’ve held them, fed them, raised them, taught them, and made them my friends.<<

      I hope none of this comes across as any sort of judgment about anyone else — farmers or meat eaters at all, because it's really, really not. With the various and different intolerances that Beth and I are trying to keep in check, I'm the last person who is going to pass any sort of judgment on what people eat, or how they eat. I appreciate your questions, and your thoughts, and your time, so thank you. If I've come across judgy or preachy, please let me know. Hell, please slap me.😉

      • You don’t ever sound preachy. No worries! I was kind of afraid that I would come across that way. Really I’m just tossing out some ideas that have been part of the process here. I’m one of those people who likes to get all possible input for mental rumination, and I tend to forget that not everyone requires or desires every last detail. *slightly sheepish look*

        • It’s cool. I seem to be getting as annoyed as I am grateful for/over that sort of input, so I never know these days how I’m going to react. I hoped it was more grateful than annoyed. I’m not really annoyed. I was annoyed a few days ago, and I shouldn’t have been, so I’m trying to stay aware of my reactions.

          Anyway. Again, thank you. I do appreciate it.

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