Am I a devotee?

20160311_143531Relationships are on my mind this morning.  Between Beth’s newly-articulated (yet growing for a while) relationship with the Morrigan, and my growing relationship with Durga, and the perennial conversation that occurs in the pagan blogosphere regarding labels, I find myself contemplating terms and relationship dynamics.

There is no doubt that I have affection that does not quite make logical, rational sense towards Durga. I wasn’t looking for a new relationship, I wasn’t looking to add to my worship — except, Poseidon  made noise about Vishnu, so in a way I guess I was, but not like this. Maybe I should have? At least, what with Pops and His Family, I’m conditioned to at least, if not expect, then be open to the possibility, that One does not necessarily come alone. Even with Poseidon, eventually Hekate was brought into my awareness and worship happened.

Once I surrendered my need to understand and to category what my relationship with Her was going to be, it began to unfold. Once I set aside the need to “do it properly”, communication opened up. She’s already taught me many important lessons about polytheism that I’m embarrassed to admit I hadn’t yet truly taken to heart. I talk a good game about letting the Powers lead you, or at least having the relationships be guided by the relationships, but sometimes I still fail at getting out of my own way. She’s taught me that just because one  may have a long-established shrine practice with one Power does not mean that all shrine practices are going to be same. She reminded me that They, in fact, do know more about this than I ever could. It’s been good.

At the same time, She’s introduced me to a deeper level of genuine, detached-from-judgment compassion than I’ve experienced before. But, would I call myself a devotee?

I don’t know, yet, I guess. From where I am now, I certainly want the relationship to continue, and it has a feel to it that they don’t always have. Without a doubt, I’m an admirer. Without a doubt, I’m honored by Her touch upon my life. Trying the word devotee on for size, and right now, all I can really say is, I’m a student of Hers, more than anything else, and a newly-enrolled one, at that.

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I’m certainly stabilizing. I’m still sleepy, and I’m allowing myself a rest period, because my mind has been driving me a bit batty for a while. That said, I’ve noticed an up-tick in interests, this week. I managed to read a chapter of a non-fiction book, and it’s been months and months since I managed to sit and just *read*, so that’s nice. Chapter Three of When Worlds Collide went out yesterday morning, after I promised myself I would send it out when I got home from work  yesterday afternoon instead. Time does a weird thing with me, when I’m dealing with anxiety. I tend to want to horde it. ‘I only have 30 minutes until I have to leave, I need to rest and prepare!’ I was ready to leave for the day job,  and I had time, and I was trying a new way of sending out the files, and it took all of maybe ten minutes to attach the files and send them out, and I did it, and it was done. (Which is good, because I got home yesterday and crashed). I have an outline done on the first booklet of a series of booklets I’m planning on releasing. And, I’m bursting out into random song, so it’s good. It’s good.

River, today, if the weather allows. Errands. Reading. Tea.

 

6 thoughts on “Am I a devotee?

  1. I love this email. I keep getting new folks in my arena and I often have no idea what to do. I have pieces of jewelry for two Goddesses, but not shrines. I have lovely picture printed out for one. The other loves when I wear Her piece as do I, but has not asked for more. Hestia I have an oil for, because traditionally I am to open and close my offerings to the Greek Pantheon with Her.

    I was absolutely drawn to Hera’s mala. I have never worked with Her. I have no room for another altar.
    But I just ordered a candle for Her and I want to go online and find an image pleasing to us both. I want to work with the mala but am taking baby steps in approaching Her.

    I know that if I want to retire I will in all likelihood need to leave the Bay Area and live somewhere less expensive and probably with other people. I come home and walk into the bedroom which is the temple space protected from rambunctious and often fighting cats. It is bliss just to be in that space and I wonder how will I ever be able to move and leave it?

    • (((❤ )))

      I miss having a room set aside for temple space. We had our finished basement in Philly, and then a spare bedroom in the first place we rented out here. There is nothing quite like it, really — and yet, one adapts. I find that more and more of my dialogue with Others happens away from the shrine spaces, which forces a sort of intimacy and reaching-forth that one might not get if one had access to a set place all the time. Yes, I do my morning devotions at the shrines, and I feel off if I skip them, and yes, there's a physicality that is just that side of tangible to interacting with Durga at the shrine that is lacking with the communication-away-from-the-shrine, but it also can be made to work.🙂

  2. I think you’re right that a devotional relationship doesn’t necessarily need the tag of devotee, especially if it’s new. Ever since Loki blessed me with a surprise visit, He put the idea (I think) of Sigyn in my mind, and since then I’ve read a lot about Sigyn and realized that at some point in the future I want to be a student of Hers, especially in matters of opening the heart (something Durga keeps insisting I need to do). So that would make me an admirer of Sigyn, without the regular rituals and lifestyle change of being Sigyn’s devotee.

    • It’s funny; I’m coming around to thinking that my default definition/understanding of ‘devotee’ might have become too narrow, due to using it primarily in regards to my relationship with Poseidon and Odin, over the years. My approach toward Durga has certainly been devotional, so I don’t know that devotee is far off. (Potential devotee? Devotee in training? Something?) Interesting thoughts to be having, at any rate.

      Many people have wonderful interactions with Sigyn; I wish you the best!

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