And I didn’t attend any cons!
I’m not sure what’s up with me. My baseline mood has dropped to dark blue. Some of it is hormonal, but considering where things are at with that, I should be less melancholy than I am. I want to be excited about things — study! writing! — and I find, I’m not. With the writing, I’m back to not being overwhelmed, which is progress. With study? Meh. I mean, I have stuff to be reading, and I’m picking at it, and I’m just . . . meh. So much meh. I’m restless and I don’t know why, and I thought maybe I was getting sick, and that’s often a reason, but so far no (yay!!). The day job has been good and less stressful than it’s been in a long time, even though I’m working more. I just don’t know. Don’t know.
What I do know is that by the end of the day I descend into my ‘there’s no point to anything, I don’t know why I bother,’ moods. I’m sour on relationships, and I’m pessimistic and depressing, and I don’t even want to be around myself, never mind other people wanting to be around me.
I know it’s partially exhaustion because when I wake up I feel a lot better. I’m still overwhelmed, even with the stuff I’ve shoved off. I have a pretty constant to-do list bearing down on me until my trip back east — things that I have to make sure to buy or re-arrange or tend to — and just having that mental clutter is stressing me out, and yeah, it’s a financial strain which I generally handle oh SO well. Small things. Folding tables, to establish my writing nook; re-arrangement of living room to thus establish folding tables. Dig out first Poseidon shrine cover to use as a backdrop for the back of the bookcase that my shrine will set against, just to have it be pretty; buy futon for impending g-c visit (and she’s bringing her b-f!! I hope he likes animals all up in his face!) (of course he does, she wouldn’t give him the time of day if he didn’t), do taxes, get new glasses, maybe even new sneakers.
I had the idea that I’d throw my writing money at my last credit bill to get that paid down before the trip, but that’t so not happening. We need to get current on some things, and also, Zerk still needs to see the doctor. (last month it was a choice between medicine or dr appointment; medicine won)
It’s all mundane stress. I think I need to sit down and write out a time line for when thing will get done so I can stop freaking out about it. Yes, yes.
There are posts I want to write, and videos I really want to make. Today I need to run around all over creation (read: reading and/knitting time on bus) so tomorrow in the stay at home and do taxes and videos and editing day. Am I stressing out that I need to do the long form tax form this time? Maybe. Next year, I’m having someone else do my taxes. *nods*
Yay mundane post. But it helps. And this is life, so whatever. Breathe. Fucking BREATHE.