For those who don’t know, I’ve been dealing with chronic pain issue since December. It’s been improving — and arguably would improve more if I’d actually go to PT about this, which I think I’ve finally reached the “okay, I’ve done what I can on my own, next step please!” point. In the spring, pain levels were high enough and constant enough that death seemed like a solution. I went to my doctor instead, and I started some exercises with the help of medication, and thing improved.
Lemme also say: nerves are stupid.
I’m having a pretty wretched flare-up. I’d gotten used to my leg pins and needling all the time. I got used to there being moments of feeling like my leg was being crushed in a vise. So long as it is not all the time with the vise, I’m good. But over the weekend I pulled my back out, and I can’t do that anymore without the nerve going along for the ride, it seems. I’ve been pretty useless, and worse, kind of a bitch.
Beth has taken care of me pretty well. She withstands my medicine-induced paranoia. (“But it’s dark when I close my eyes! I’ll suffocate!!”) and my panic over not being able to sleep, and my sobbing when the boring, pinching, twisting pain becomes too much. Yesterday she tore the house apart looking for heating pads she knew we had to have, and would not stop until she had one on my leg. She’s kept me in wine. She’s kept me entertained and distracted when she could, and she’s sat with me when, again, there was sobbing.
(I cried a lot, last night.)
This isn’t going to stay at this level of bad. It’s already not as horrible as it was on Saturday, and I’m going to see my doctor on Friday about this, so PT will be happening, only for real. The panic over dealing with new people is not as strong as the pain, anymore. So, yay?
But: Beth is my hero, and you all need to know it. Thank you for being by my side during this. You rock.