Lemme just say this right here: Beth is my hero.

For those who don’t know, I’ve been dealing with chronic pain issue since December. It’s been improving — and arguably would improve more if I’d actually go to PT about this, which I think I’ve finally reached the “okay, I’ve done what I can on my own, next step please!” point. In the spring, pain levels were high enough and constant enough that death seemed like a solution. I went to my doctor instead, and I started some exercises with the help of medication, and thing improved.

Lemme also say: nerves are stupid.

I’m having a pretty wretched flare-up. I’d gotten used to my leg pins and needling all the time. I got used to there being moments of feeling like my leg was being crushed in a vise. So long as it is not all the time with the vise, I’m good. But over the weekend I pulled my back out, and I can’t do that anymore without the nerve going along for the ride, it seems. I’ve been pretty useless, and worse, kind of a bitch.

Beth has taken care of me pretty well. She withstands my medicine-induced paranoia. (“But it’s dark when I close my eyes! I’ll suffocate!!”) and my panic over not being able to sleep, and my sobbing when the boring, pinching, twisting pain becomes too much. Yesterday she tore the house apart looking for heating pads she knew we had to have, and would not stop until she had one on my leg. She’s kept me in wine. She’s kept me entertained and distracted when she could, and she’s sat with me when, again, there was sobbing.

(I cried a lot, last night.)

This isn’t going to stay at this level of bad. It’s already not as horrible as it was on Saturday, and I’m going to see my doctor on Friday about this, so PT will be happening, only for real. The panic over dealing with new people is not as strong as the pain, anymore. So, yay?

But: Beth is my hero, and you all need to know it. Thank you for being by my side during this. You rock.

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. lucywriteson says:

    I’m so sorry you are going through this, but very glad you have Beth! I hope you feel better quickly and that your appointment will bring some better relief. ❤

  2. Beth says:

    Aaaaaaaaaaah…(dies). I hate seeing you in this kind of pain (and I am unfortunately very familiar with chronic pain). You would do the same for me–and have. (In fact you do so many things for me on a regular basis that I become a complete wreck when I have to do all those things for myself. So you’re my hero, too.)

    1. Jolene Poseidonae says:

  3. {{gentle hugs}}

    I wish I was still there and could help too. I hope it lets up soon.

    1. Jolene Poseidonae says:

      Thank you. It’s getting better. I know it’s getting better. I can feel the improvement, the lessening of my pain — and in fact, I’ve been trying to remind myself the whole time that it’s been worse. It’s just hard to remember that, what with the gnawing and the pinching and the twisting feelings.

      And then I get caught up in horrid thoughts, like: what about people who don’t have access to health care or to copious amounts of cheap wine? What about people who don’t have a Beth? I’ve been able to come home from work and just *stop* doing *everything* but getting through each moment, and I’m so grateful that I’ve got access to health care and medication and copious amounts of cheap wine, and a Beth.

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