My post Names Don’t Matter (or what to do when your god pokes around with your identity by poking around with his own) talks quite about about gods, identities, and the trauma that can come about when They play a sort of bait-and-switch on you. (Okay. It wasn’t exactly a bait-and-switch, but it was . . . something. Certainly something.) I’m a big fan of “keeping it real” — the goal I have with sharing glimpses into my spiritual life is offering a living example of how it can be — and that means showing how it can be terrifying, scary, miserable, and harrowing even as it can be joyous, wonderful, uplifting, nourishing, and can provide great strength. I understand people wanting to only show the good, the positive, but part of my way of making sure my vulnerabilities do not control me or grow into mind-numbing fears, is by naming them and exposing them to the light of day. I’ve had too many comments from readers who have thanked me for writing as I do to pretend that what I share and how I share does not help others. So, yes, that’s part of it. Keeping on keeping on. But, naming things and exposing them is a sort of letting things go, and it helps me even if I had no audience.
I do have an audience, though, and so many of you were so very kind and supportive in the aftermath of that post. I’ve wanted to explore this whole thing more — and I may still — but right now, words are not coming. I’m sitting with it, as He asked me to do so, and I’ve reached a point of not really being able to talk about where my mind is going with all of this. But, because so many of you were so very kind and supportive, I wanted to provide a small update. Another thank you, and to let you know that the mad-feeling (as in madness, not as in angry) flailing has subsided. The whole thing did work to get me unstuck from a Hellenic approach (He’s back to being MY Poseidon, informed by history, but rooted in o/Our past, if that makes sense? Our foundation is o/Our foundation. He’s back, I suppose, to being my Hearth, in my mind — my center, rather than this distant figure from history that belongs to everyone. Of course, He belongs to everyone — or, those He chooses belong to Him, rather — but . . . I can’t explain well. O/our foundation is better, because of all of this, and I’m rooted in Him, rather than in His history, or any history at all) and has me exploring more widely again, and this is very, very good. I’m holding the whole Hindu stuff at an arm’s length right now (in part due to NaNo being right around the corner — we’re about to get to writing for serious!) which is a timely and useful and valid excuse.
That’s where we’re at, right now. And it’s good. It’s very, very good.