Today — well, the last week really — I’ve been feeling incredibly vulnerable and raw. Yesterday, I was able to marvel over the fact that I feel as vulnerable and raw and fragile as I feel, and I’m not feeling all that inclined to examine it in order to root it out, to label it, or to lash out in an effort to be better comforted. Historically, the naming of said feeling would be a priority. I’m not saying that I know myself perfectly, but I do feel a sense of accomplishment, realizing that I know myself well enough that this particular experience does not need to be scrutinized so that I understand it. I already understand it, and it’s truly nothing more than feeling vulnerable and fragile and wanting to be treated as fragile for a bit.
Happily, I also feel wrapped in Love, so that works.
I’m not even sure why I’m sharing, except ages ago I know I’d be lashing out at Poseidon (read: the safest target I have, and how’s that for a fucked up sentence??) just to get a reaction, and now I’m able to say, “Hey, this is how I am right now, can we be still and gentle, just for right now?”
The Vigil for the Bulls is coming up in just over a month, so this vulnerable feeling will subside, but it’ll be coming back with a vengeance soon enough.