This is one of those less cohesive blog posts, but it’s all related in my mind, and in my heart, and so that’s the connection, and it works.
I’ve been making a concerted effort to Go Places before bed, as part of the going-to-bed thing. I’m realizing that in the last so many years, after getting accustomed to my life and experiences being multi-realities-lived, I became very narrowly focused on the mortal reality. And, you know, to a point, yeah, I needed to be. But if we mystics are folks who live with “a foot in each world” (um. how many feet do we have, again?) what exactly have I been doing? Well, I’ve been getting my ability to navigate *this* world up to speed, I’ve been getting the mortal baggage stuff in order. It’s needful. And, because I so easily have a tendency to dismiss the mortal realm entirely, getting to a place wherein I can sustain a healthy appreciation for things such as kindness, compassion, etc. Being willing to be aware, I suppose. So, I’m not upset about that. But with the turn of my studies lately, looking back at the energy work I’ve completely dropped, thanks to my defeatist perfectionism bent, I realize that, except for holding festivals for Poseidon and Odin and other gods, except for the seidhr, I’ve pretty much been locked on the here-and-now-mortal-realm. And, you know, not *exactly*, because I’m not really in touch with pop culture at all (yay!!) and, at the same time, I get it. Let me count the deaths for you, the major deaths for you, in the last four years. *waggles fingers* I’ll have to use a whole hand, you see. And more than half of that was in the last year and a half. So, cutting myself slack.
And yet, it was my grandmother’s illness and death that started my return to energy work. I picked Reiki up for the first time in too long, to apply it to humans rather than just sending it to Poseidon to use as He saw fit, or sending it out to other non-corporeal entities. And, wanting that verve that my grandparents, in my memory, had for life, rather than always being such a low baseline blue, certainly primed the pathways for my Gods to work Their mojo. I don’t want myself to be someone I’m not: I’m not looking to be more social, I’m not looking to be happy and up all the time, but I’d like to return to my ‘normal’ baseline of contentedness, of satisfaction with my life. Being at that baseline allows me to remain open to experiences, allows me to be aware of the joy in life, in existing, in having a garden, in snuggling with the dog, in fawning over the cats. I say I’m not social, but I do enjoy interacting with people, and I do like meeting new people. I just don’t want to have to socialize all the time, or even most of the time.
We’re reading through “Color: A History of the Pallette” which begins with a minor crash course in quantum physics, and a neat reminder/idea about colors being less a noun and more a verb — they’re an action, or a reaction, and how we process that reaction/movement in our brains. Which ties in a tad with the witchcraft reading we’re doing, which was hilarious. I love how these things inundate you until you acknowledge them.
I dreamt last night of warding, of watching people spiral-dance pentacles into being, and us and them being heckled by mischevious “people”, until Beth and I erected wards, galdring in runes and asking our gods to hold our holy stead. I woke up wondering if I shouldn’t be looking at the witchcraft stuff — Poseidon is making serious noise about my doing the actual exercises in this book proper; He likes the ceremony and the this-world-motions, and I too much try to discount this world of mortality and flesh. He would like lessons and experiences to penetrate me more fully than they seem to, and a little bit I think He likes the idea of bossing me around 😉 — but how can I question if I should be doing this, with Poseidon guiding me, exactly? Furthermore, Odin is *so much* about keeping traditions pure and not at all about using what works, or ranging far and wide to learn All The Things. Really, what I woke up from the dream with, after journalling it out, is realizing that I want to include the runes more into my work. As in, at all. They are involved in seidhr, and that’s it. And when I set my energy work aside, that was one thing, right? Because I wasn’t doing it, I was just doing devotional stuff, which was needed, but I wasn’t doing energy work. And now that I am, the rune spirits are all, excuse me. So.
Been a decent amount of dreams that have been spiritually relevant, which has been nice. I’m suspecting that journalling is helping. Stop laughing.
My grandmother’s birthday is today. I’m curiously devastated and at the same time so very filled with gratitude and something akin to joy. Something really shifted, in the beginning of the month. I don’t want to say that they took my depression away, but I do think we worked together to get me to where I am right now, emotionally. Which is less all-consuming-ly devastated and more . . . aware of how amazing existence is, with its myriad ways of being. Which isn’t to say that I don’t cry myself to sleep a lot still, cuz, you know. I do.
Happy Birthday, Grammy! We love you!