On July 9th, my grandfather died. I am never going to be able to do a proper post to honor him, though that’s not going to stop me from trying. It wasn’t a long illness. A week of pneumonia and poof, there he goes. In fairness, he was already tired, had been expressing being outliving his god’s plan, and was 95.
Death changes things.
It amazes me, time and again, being Odin’s, being one who interacts with the disincarnate, being one who believes that death is simply a change, being one who has a healthy curiosity about death and dying, being accepting of my mortality, how hard some deaths can hit me.
This one is hitting pretty hard. On the one hand, it’s silly — if nothing else, the man was 95! He hasn’t been in my every day life in over a decade. Also, he was 95!! On the other hand. On the other hand, change is hard, and while I don’t believe he’s “gone” I do acknowledge that things have changed. On top of that . . . he was one of my last personal living heroes, and it’s strange, this change.
My grandfather had a typical Catholic Mass as part of his service. Despite my grandparents and aunt being Catholic, I was brought up (loosely) Protestant, so the only Catholic Masses I’ve ever been to have been funeral Masses. And I have to say — it’s really gotta be luck of the draw, right? There’s so much that is *the same* as what we religious types do, as far as the motions being performed. Bowing to the altar. Offerings of food and liquid. Songs and praise and pomp. My mother and her siblings, and me and my brothers draped the pall over his casket. I felt extremely comfortable in the church, but how could I feel otherwise? This was my Gippy’s church.
The Deacon, funnily enough, specified, when speaking of my grandfather’s religious life and his devotion, spoke of his devotion to “his” god; he never once just said, “God.” I know he wasn’t being conscientious of other non-Christian religious types in the audience, I know it was — at least on his part — happenstance, but it touched me. In a good way, though. I’m not sure I can explain.
So much more I want to say, but I still haven’t the words.