(could also become: I’ve turned non-observant!)
It seems such a silly thing: I’m pagan. I’m pagan because I choose to be pagan. I’m polytheist, I’m a devotee of two gods and I have a number of other whom I count among kin. I have been, over the years, the sort of religious nutter who has made her life about her devotion to her gods. My partner is my partner largely due to her support of my choices (and largely for having made similar choices).
In theory (and in the past, in practice) we have a slew of feast days and days of obligation that we’ve observed, some together, some apart. I have a number of festivals that I’ve created in Poseidon’s honor alone, and then there are the other Hellenic festivals (Theogamia, Hekate’s deipnon, noumenia, Diasia, Aphrodisia, etc.) In my practice, the turning-of-the-season festivals often are focused more on the land wights, and Poseidon and Odin get brought in not because they are implicit in this land (though, to us they are) but because they are ours, or rather we are theirs, and it makes good sense for us to do it that way. And after all that, there are a number of “work” days that I hold — though fewer than there used to be, because too much and it cuts into the writing, and the writing is my pysche’s yoga, I swear.
In practice? In practice, the last year has been extremely low-key, extremely “returning to” my “roots”, so to speak, touching base with foundations and going from there. It has been necessary and useful and good, and my relationship with my gods have reached new heights of confidence and adoration, but as June comes on and we’re counting down to Black Sheep Gathering (around which we’ve got a Frigga festival built, with a nod toward Poseidon, because, you know, lambs!), and as the rainy season is starting to taper off (NOOooooooo!!) I’m realizing that a lot of my low-key observations have wound up with me sitting with tea and reflecting.
This isn’t inherently bad or wrong, and I’ll be honest: unless I’ve got other people with me, my rituals for Poseidon tend to look a lot like that. Bells and whistles require having stuff, and I’m so not a having stuff sort of person. Bells and whistles also require drawing attention to yourself, and I’m not an attention seeking person — not for myself, and even not in honor of my god(s). I know that both Odin and Poseidon are more than capable of drawing attention for themselves. However, being willing to be seen? That’s a good exercise, a good comfort zone to push, in myself, and I’m starting to miss that edge of discomfort. Which means it’s time to start pushing it, from time to time.
I’ve spent the last number of months reminding myself (and reminding Beth) to honor my path, to retreat a bit, and refocus, and remember what it is to be walking these paths with these gods — They get to lead! Honoring the down time is important. Relearning what nourishes you is important. Embracing, finally finally finally though you’ve known it all along, what your calling is, is important, even if it doesn’t necessarily fit into the “accepted” spirit-worker boxes.
Over the past year, Poseidon has showered me with affection. Little signs, sometimes tiny signs, but enough that my heart is warmed, and my spirit bolstered, and my faith strengthened. I desire, still, to do more for Him, but that’s always going to be true. I can’t single-handedly clean the oceans, cure the world’s ills, and restore our weakening ecosystems to prime health, alas. Must stop equating “doing more,” with “doing everything perfectly all at once.” Alas.
I also must start picking up some of the not-Poseidon holy days, because I miss them. I feel a bit as though I’ve been away from family for the last year, making visits but not really nourishing relationships as I ought. Funnily enough, that’s been the same with regards to mortal relationships too — not that I’ll be moving closer to most of the folks I’m referring to, but there’s been a desire for better/more frequent contact, so I know it’s been a general pulling-away on my part. Which is fine, is needed from time to time, but is only healthy until it’s not.
Poseidon’s compassion, patience, and kindness is greatly, greatly appreciated. Man, do I love my god.
(hey, lookit that! K! We’re on K with the Pagan Blog Project. I have missed many letters, and this is two days late, but I’m sharing it anyway.)