This December is all about “shoulds” for me. Shoulds. It should be a holy time, right? On the heathen side of things, we get all the good and fun trappings that were usurped by the Christians — trees, feasting, the whole of Yuletide, honoring our gods, etc. For us at the Nunnery, Yule is a whole season stretching from Samhain (hey, I never said we weren’t also usurpers. Vikings, hello?) to Twelfth Night. Here, it’s about the Hunt, about Odin, about our Beloved Dead and our Ancestors, about pulling in for the dark of the year and taking stock and being introspective. On the Hellenic side, we’ve got a whole bleeping month named for a festival of Poseidon, which is the whole reason I’ve adopted the Athenian calender in the first place. Inside of this month there is the 8th of the month that’s set aside for Poseidon anyway, the sixth which is St. Nicholas’s day, and which I’ve taken for another Poseidon day since, in Greece, St. Nick has more in common with Poseidon than, you know, with Odin. Odd, that. And then there’s the headache inducing, mind-reeling collision of worlds and UPG and private worship, wherein Poseidon shows an interest in Odin’s Hunt, and then my brain melts and I stop trying to think because I cannot, cannot be any sort of a bridge like that I mean I’m just me! (Except, we humans involved with gods, especially gods and spirits of different places and peoples are, by necessity, exactly that sort of bridge).
Except, I work retail. And Beth works customer service, too. And so December comes up and it should be this high holy time, and it typically is, but this year we’re just both exhausted. This year has been great! And, at times, awful. The awful has been wretched, the great has been gentle and unassuming, so at least it’s not crazy high to crazy low, but it’s still hard. Difficult to counter wretched with gentle, calm, unassuming good. I’ve put a book out, I’ve got a few stories out, I handmade all my holiday gifts, I’m exploring a new craft, and, currently, my brain cells do not wish to function. December has been a lot of easy knitting and easy listening and oodles of vegging out. I sort of really resent how my job has taken the holy out of this month for me. Made worse by listening to folks bitch about how they’re discriminated against because the holiday is commercialized and secularized. While they shop in a store that’s taken oven by *their* holiday for two months to buy mass produced crap that’ll be forgotten in a week. Uh. Kinda supporting that whole secularization, people. Just saying.
At the same time? I’m so very divorced from that cultural mindset, and grateful for it. My stresses of this season are all pretty much work related, so at least I get paid for them. This weekend will be intense, but that’s because of the vending we’re doing and not because it’s December. Then, the girl-child will be out for three weeks and it will hopefully be relaxed and good and nice. So, yay!
Her being here always does weird things to my outward devotion, just because of space constraints. It’ll be more so now, in our much smaller place. But, it’s temporary, and it’s not a big deal, and we miss her, so it works.
Still, I can’t wait for January.