Resentment and, oddly, being grateful all over again

This December is all about “shoulds” for me. Shoulds. It should be a holy time, right? On the heathen side of things, we get all the good and fun trappings that were usurped by the Christians — trees, feasting, the whole of Yuletide, honoring our gods, etc. For us at the Nunnery, Yule is a whole season stretching from Samhain (hey, I never said we weren’t also usurpers. Vikings, hello?) to Twelfth Night. Here, it’s about the Hunt, about Odin, about our Beloved Dead and our Ancestors, about pulling in for the dark of the year and taking stock and being introspective. On the Hellenic side, we’ve got a whole bleeping month named for a festival of Poseidon, which is the whole reason I’ve adopted the Athenian calender in the first place. Inside of this month there is the 8th of the month that’s set aside for Poseidon anyway, the sixth which is St. Nicholas’s day, and which I’ve taken for another Poseidon day since, in Greece, St. Nick has more in common with Poseidon than, you know, with Odin. Odd, that. And then there’s the headache inducing, mind-reeling collision of worlds and UPG and private worship, wherein Poseidon shows an interest in Odin’s Hunt, and then my brain melts and I stop trying to think because I cannot, cannot be any sort of a bridge like that I mean I’m just me! (Except, we humans involved with gods, especially gods and spirits of different places and peoples are, by necessity, exactly that sort of bridge).

Except, I work retail. And Beth works customer service, too. And so December comes up and it should be this high holy time, and it typically is, but this year we’re just both exhausted. This year has been great! And, at times, awful. The awful has been wretched, the great has been gentle and unassuming, so at least it’s not crazy high to crazy low, but it’s still hard. Difficult to counter wretched with gentle, calm, unassuming good. I’ve put a book out, I’ve got a few stories out, I handmade all my holiday gifts, I’m exploring a new craft, and, currently, my brain cells do not wish to function. December has been a lot of easy knitting and easy listening and oodles of vegging out. I sort of really resent how my job has taken the holy out of this month for me. Made worse by listening to folks bitch about how they’re discriminated against because the holiday is commercialized and secularized. While they shop in a store that’s taken oven by *their* holiday for two months to buy mass produced crap that’ll be forgotten in a week. Uh. Kinda supporting that whole secularization, people. Just saying.

At the same time? I’m so very divorced from that cultural mindset, and grateful for it. My stresses of this season are all pretty much work related, so at least I get paid for them. This weekend will be intense, but that’s because of the vending we’re doing and not because it’s December. Then, the girl-child will be out for three weeks and it will hopefully be relaxed and good and nice. So, yay!

Her being here always does weird things to my outward devotion, just because of space constraints. It’ll be more so now, in our much smaller place. But, it’s temporary, and it’s not a big deal, and we miss her, so it works.

Still, I can’t wait for January.

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Soli says:

    Happy Yule and Posedia. It feels good to be getting my life back at this time of year. Fitting? Perhaps that too.

    1. naiadis says:

      It’s gotta be nice to be able to think again, right? I haven’t envied your work load for some time. Yay for getting your life back! (Heeh, while that lasts . . . )

      1. Soli says:

        what’s weird is that I felt like I slacked through a lot of it. But that may have something to do with the fact that I didn’t DO much of anything else. So I got my stuff done, but aside from work I didn’t go out all that much. 😦

  2. As a fellow retail worker I completely understand what you are talking about! It has been nearly two weeks since I did any significant devotional painting, and while I keep up with my regular observances, I am overall approaching everything froma standpoint of exhaustion.
    I truly wish you a wonderful Poseideia, a blessed Yule you viking you, and a beautiful new year.

    1. naiadis says:

      It’s terrible! I’m longing to write again, and while I’m finally caught up with the knitting, with Beth’s daughter due to arrive tomorrow, i’m not sure how much ‘can hear myself think’ time there’ll be. But, that’s okay. It’ll be a good visit, and then I can get back to work.

  3. Beth says:

    I am more or less writing off the rest of this month while she’s here, in terms of getting anything substantial done. If I do, great, but I’ve got enough pressure on me already without adding to it myself. Still, I have to admit I’m looking forward to January, too.

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